Housekeeping

This blogger will be out of the country until March 19. And the computer will be staying at home.

See you all back on the 20th.

Forgiveness

"The things that people in love do to each other they remember, and if they stay together it's not because they forget, it's because they forgive." - Indecent Proposal

But the question is what is forgivable and what isn't?

Even if the two of you are deeply in love, one of you could still commit an unforgivable act.

Or can people that deeply in love really hurt each other? When in love, you are more likely concerned about what your loved one is feeling.

Or are you?

Single Notes

Ian McNeice wrote that being single is a constant battle with optimism.

How true.

When single we always wonder: Will I be single forever? Will the next guy be the one? Or will the next guy be another miserable drama?

The Perfect Date

Often the best dates are simple, like a walk on the beach.

The best dates occur when you and your date are yourselves and just click. Everything happens naturally.

During a good date nothing is forced. The conversation isn't awkard and the kiss just feels right.

The best way to doom a date is to plan it and plan it and plan it. With all that planning, there is too much pressure. It is expected to be perfect. And what is "perfect" anyway?

Perhaps spontaneous dates are best.

Brutal.

There should be more mirrors out there. That way when you run into a cute guy, and smile at him, you don't have to feel embarrassed.

Because, an hour later, you realize your hair was a wind blown mess with a piece of straw stuck in it.

Not only did the cute guy see you this way, but so did everyone else in the free world who you encountered in the last hour.

The more you suffer...

"I wrote her off for the tenth time today . . . But she came over. I lost my nerve. I took her back and made her dessert. Now I know I'm being used . . . I know she's playing with me . . . That happens more than I'd like to admit." - The Offspring

Why do we find ourselves in such situations? Are we just suckers with no self-esteem?

Sometimes we put up with people's crap just so we can be in a relationship. We say it's because we love them, but we don't. Because our right person would never treat us that way.

Yet we can get so "I need to be in a relationship" obsessed that we can find ourselves putting up with anything.

If only...

Have you ever met that person who is your perfect match? But they're the same sex, the opposite sex but gay, or just too old or too young.

How many times have you said: "If my best friend was a man I would marry her in a heart beat."

Have you ever met that person who is your perfect match? The two of you hung out together, but neither of you could get up the courage to bump it up to the next level. And the relationship fizzled and died in all the sexual frustration.

These are the dating what ifs that haunt us. What if we found the one but we didn't realize?

Or maybe God is tortuing you by making your perfect match a gay male and you female.

A dog eat dog world.

It's been said that cats possess masculine dating traits and dogs, well, they possess the female.

A dog, like many women in a relationship, can get a little needy. Dogs would rather be out on an evening stroll with you than having to be stuck at home while you are out with the guys.

A cat doesn't care if his owner is out with the girls. He could use the alone time.

A dog, like some women, likes to binge eat and will go for the whole cake if no one is around to see.

A dog, like many women, is overly affectionate. Dogs will greet you at the door and try to cuddle with you at inappropriate times. Dogs just don't give you any space. They always want to follow you around and spend every waking moment with you.

And that list could go on.

Say cheese.

Online dating is a safe place for people to use cheesy lines without being laughed at by the opposite sex.

Only when online dating would a guy use the name "Sir Hugs A Lot," or use the tag line "Do you have a name? Or can I call you mine?"

Please!

But then again, at least "Sir Hugs A Lot" shows a little more personality than "Nice Guy 916."

Then there are the tag lines like: "Just trying this for fun" or "Are you the one?"

Whatever, Mr. Original. Do you put as much thought into your relationships as you do your profile?

Catty much?

Do you ever wonder why a lot of single girls have cats?

Well, perhaps it's like practice for having a boyfriend.

Cats, like men, are aloof. They want your affection, but only when they want it. Otherwise they are most happy when alone with their toys.

Cats, like men, will meow (whine) when you don't do what they want.

Cats, like men, will wake you up in the middle of the night when they want to be pet. They don't care if you aren't in the mood.

Cats, like men, will often run away scared when you start sobbing.

And the list could go on.

Rebound

"The only one who should have to pay for a bad relationship is the person in your next relationship." - Miranda, Sex and the City

And that's why it sucks when you discover that you've been elected someone's rebound girlfriend.

When they find out you're not exactly . . . well, not even close . . . to their ex-girlfriend, it's all downhill from there.

Old Hat

Men seem to treat their old girlfriends like security blankets.

Literally, when men have nothing better "to do" they come running back to women they just left.

Maybe men have short-term memories. Or maybe men second guess their decisions to leave.

But maybe men are relying on the fact that you once said you loved them, and they want to exploit those old feelings, because they can. When the night is over, they'll be gone and you end up feeling used.

That's why you have to cut off ex-boyfriends forever.

Just remember you will survive, so change your stupid lock and make your ex leave his key.

Animal Attraction

When you meet a guy at a pet store and he's buying a big bag of dog food and you're buying a big bag of cat food, can the relationship really work out?

Clearly he's a dog person and you a cat person. Cats and dogs don't get along.

When there's a fundamental lifestyle difference or opinion should you still give the person a chance?

Should a non-smoker try to date a smoker? Can someone from the political left date someone from the political right? Should someone who wants to have kids date someone who doesn't?

These are the deal breakers.

Now a person can get rid of their cat or their dog. And a smoker can quit. But that's a long way to go for love, if it is indeed love.

And why give up a loyal pal, such as your cat, who has been with you through more boyfriends and break ups than you care to remember.

You and your pet are a package deal. Or are they?

Guess Work.

"Computerized dating can save a lot of guesswork - but so can a bikini." -Ed Parrish

Go away. Go away. Go away.

There are some ex-boyfriends who should just drop off the face of the planet. It would just be better for all those involved.

Like the ex-boyfriend who occasionally sends you little tokens in the mail out of the blue. Is it to show you that they still think about you? Or do they just want to see what sort of emotions they can still evoke?

Seeing their name on an envelope can make your heart stop, even if you haven't thought about them in months.

And then you call them to thank them and they tell you that they got their new girlfriend to mail it.

All they wanted to do is pick off the scabs and rub salt in the wounds. What next are they going to stab you in the heart? Oh wait. They ripped that out long ago.

Sadistic bastards like that are those that should really, really drop off the face of the planet.

Lesbians

Why do guys always, at some point, have to bring up the idea of a threesome?

That is so uncool.

If the girl is really into you, she doesn't want to share. And if she ends up playing the supporting role, while the other girl stars, you better watch out. Because someone in a threesome always has to play the supporting role, like that's fun.

And guys, if it's not cool for you to do a threesome with another guy and a girl, then why do you think it would be cool for a girl to do it with another girl and a guy?

Haven't you ever seen the movie "Threesome" or "Chasing Amy?" It will just make the relationship awkward.

A threesome is a fantasy. And that's the way it should stay - a fantasy.

Plus, where are you going to get the second girl from? I mean, really. You? You had enough trouble getting the girl you have to sleep with you.

The benefit to being a girl...

"Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again." - Susan Healy

And the meal is usually free.

Guys, once and a while...

1. Buy a girl flowers for no reason at all.

2. Tell the girl you like her just the way she is and mean it. (You better mean it, otherwise why are you dating her?)

3. Give her a hug when she has a bad day.

4. Make her supper and bake a cake too.

5. Take her somewhere to do something she has never tried before . . . like rock climbing.

And by the way, you'll notice that this list is about showing that you care.

If you really want to win a girl's heart, that's all you've got to do is show her that you care. And if you can do it creatively and romantically, more power to you.

Sex is secondary. It really is.

Pointless

Guys who say they aren't looking to be in a relationship right now are difficult to understand.

What's the point of dating someone if there is no possibility of a blooming relationship?

You're not looking for something serious. Well, chances are the girl is looking for something that will grow to be more serious.

Why should a girl waste her time on such a guy?

When a guy says they are not looking for anything serious, that is a girl's cue to run far away and fast. Because that sort of guy is just looking to use her.

Taking a chance

"Don't forget that the words, 'Would you like to join me for coffee?' can result in one of the greatest romances of all time." - Life's Little instruction Calendar Volume XI

Those words can also lead to one of the greatest disasters of all time too.

But you don't know until you try.

Foolish Games

Some of us have an ex that has nine lives.

You really loved him or her. They hurt you badly, as in "wrenching pain that brought you to your knees sobbing" badly.

But they have the power to win you back and hurt you again. Then win you back once more so they can hurt you.

But a part of you will always love them. And for that, you are always willing to give them a chance, and then another chance.

Two years go by, and you think they are out of your life completely, until you meet them on the street one day. You thought you were over them, but the very sight of them gives you the butterflies . . . so you give them another chance.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." But fool me three times and then four, and then five times. . . well, it's because I live in faith that one day you'll grow up and stop fooling.

Many of us have an ex like that. The only way to escape him or her is if they get married and move to the other side of the world . . . Because no matter what they do, when they come calling, you can't say no to them.

There is always that part that loves them foolishly and unconditionally. And it is that love that drowns out whatever hate you should be feeling for them when you see them.

What it should look like...

"Love, like a river, will cut a new path whenever it meets an obstacle." - Crystal Middlemas

Be mine...

Valentine's Day is like Christmas for some people. People in a relationship want the day to be perfect, but usually the day turns out to be anticlimatic.

And people who are alone end up feeling lonlier than normal.

It's just another commercial holiday aimed at selling greeting cards. It's a holiday that can make us feel miserable.

It's like Christmas.

Except unlike Christmas, it's okay to pretend that Valentine's Day doesn't exist. Push the day out of your mind. Make it a day like any other.

Online Dating

The popularity of online dating is picking up.

Apparently some people are going on five or six dates a week thanks to online dating. Some people even go on three or four dates a night.

These serial daters know what they want in a partner, so they give each of their dates a 20-minute in-person interview. And when that person turns out to not be the one, it is out the door for them.

Can you really screen people that quickly? Doesn't romance take time to grow?

If you go through dates so quickly, won't you be too cynical to know when the right person comes along. Yeah, sure that person might like dogs, and you cats. But still if given a chance . . . it can go somewhere. Can't it?

Since when did dating become like a job interview? Can love really be found that way?

Loneliness

"My love life was getting so bland. There are only so many ways I can make love with my hand. Sometimes it makes me want to laugh. Sometimes I want to take my toaster in the bath."- Blink 182

Sometimes you wonder if that box of condoms you keep in your underwear drawer is going to expire before you have sex again . . . even if the expiry date is two years away.

Rejection

A rejection is a blow to our ego, especially when it is by someone we really liked.

Rejection can have us running to our mirrors to examine our warts and all. And if you get rejected enough, you begin to look for the mutant tail possibly growing from your behind.

Rejection can get you wanting to make a cocoon of your blanket, so you never have to leave your bed again.

Is it you? Are you really a horrible person? Or is it them? Do they just not know what they are missing? They just don't get you.

After a long dry spell in your dating life, should you give up and accept your life as a singleton?

"When it comes to life and love, why do we believe our worst reviews?" Carrie Bradshaw asked on Sex and the City.

But, then again, is their love out their for everyone?

We can't give up hope.

Singleton Sports Pages

Seniors read the obituaries with a great deal of interest, as they are sadly getting to the age when everyone they know is passing away.

Twenty and thirty-somethings read the wedding announcements so they can count the people they know, or once knew, that are getting married.

When you're single in your late 20s and early 30s you can usually count, with one hand, the number of friends you have who are still single.

When you are in your late 30s and early 40s, you may likely be able to count, with both hands, the number of friends you have that are divorced.

Perhaps this is because people get married too quickly. And maybe, subconsciously, they do it for the sake of getting married. They overlook a person's problem qualities because they want them to be Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Weighty Matters.

"Never give anyone you're dating a diet book." -Life's Little Instruction Calendar Volume XI

Thank you Captain Obvious!!

But really what do you do if the person you are dating starts putting on a little weight, or a lot of weight. If you really like them, it shouldn't matter. Should it?

On true love . . .

"Some people are settling down. Some people are settling. And some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." -Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

As for the people who won't settle for anything less than butterflies, are they expecting too much?

Maybe they'll never find their butterflies.

The Sequel: A single fear.

In Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Season 3, Episode 20), Anya, the demon-turned-human, who is still developing her first human feelings, asks Xander to the prom.

Because of Anya's demon past, she has a lot of contempt for men. She was a demon who punished men who were unfaithful to their girlfriends and wives.

Anya: "I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them."

Xander: "Then why are you talking to me?"

Anya: "I don't have a date to the prom . . . All I know is I really want to go to this dance and I want someone to go with me."

Despite the fact that she hates all men, she still couldn't go to the dance alone.

While that is an extreme example, many people feel they need a date . . . enough people to keep escort services busy anyway.

Why do we fear being alone? Why do so many people lack the ability to be alone?

A point on men.

There is a telling scene about men in Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Season Three, Episode 20) when Anya, a demon turned human, who is just starting to gain human feelings, asks Xander to the prom.

Xander is resistant, so Anya says: "Look I know you find me attractive. I see you looking at my breasts."

Xander says: "Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open." (It doesn't mean that he likes her).

But in the end, Xander goes with Anya because he doesn't have any other potential dates for the prom.

Sometimes I think if a man really wants to get laid, or really wants a date to the prom, or whatever, he will lower the bar and take the last woman standing if he must.

That's why there are prostitutes with three teeth who are able to maintain a steady business.

Online Dating in a Nutshell

Take any one online dating site and look up one city. There can be 100s of locals listed.

But all those guys can be lumped into a few small categories. Let's look at some of those groups.

1) Recently Divorced with Kids: He's all like: "I've been out of the dating scene for a while. I love my kids. Here's a picture of me with a beer. I'm hip. I'm cool. I'm laid back." He's usually in his early to late 40s and sends "smiles" to all the 20-somethings on the site.

2) Shyness Issues Boy: He would never approach a girl in "real life," but online dating lets him sit back and let the dates come to him.

3) Buff, Bleach-Blond Hair Boy - These boys are processed cheese. The cookie-cutter pretty boys. You've seen one. You've seen them all. They lack in real personality. And since they have an image to maintain, do not apply unless you are a tall, attractive cookie-cutter blond.

4) "I'm just here to see what's out there, but not looking for a relationship" Player - Enough said. Stay away from him, the "he used to date my cousin and he cheated on her" types.

5) "No real concept of what I look like" Guy - Some people say they are muscular, fit or average in their profiles . . . and in reality . . . not so much. I like these people who are honest and tuned into reality.

These are just some of the online dating categories. Aren't stereotypes fun? And yes, the same categories can apply to girls.

Oh sure, there are guys online that fall into the nice guy, keeper categories. But who wants to make fun of them?

A resolution

In the movie "Bridget Jones's Diary," Bridget swears off forming any romantic attachments to:

"alcoholics, workoholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits" and "perverts."

I think most women regularly have problems with men who are commitment-phobics, megalomaniacs and emotional fuckwits.

An example of an emotional fuckwit.

When a guy tells his girlfriend that it is not his job to support her emotionally the first time she confides in him about a problem regarding her job.

He then doesn't get why she breaks up with him right then and there.

Fuckwit: A person who is not only lacking in clue, but is apparently unable or unwilling to acquire clue even when handed it on a plate in generous portions.

Just Friends

Why is it when people are breaking up they agree to remain friends?

You can try to be friends, but most people learn very quickly that when they break up with someone this is hard to do, especially when the break up was difficult.

Being friends impedes the healing process. It's best to cut each other out of your lives completely for at least a year or two if you truly want to be friends again later.

Famous Last Words

You know a relationship is over when your significant other says: "We need to talk."

Those are words nobody wants to hear. And that doesn't just apply to dating.

Friends with Benefits

Remember that if you're in a casual relationship, kind of like the "friends with benefits" situation, it's probably not as great as it seems. The other person likely has feelings for you and is living in hope that your relationship will get more serious.

First Date Insecurities

"Do you like my stupid hair? Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear? I'm just scared of what you think. You make me nervous so I really can't eat." - Blink 182

No more excuses.

When a guy doesn't call you when he is supposed to, cut him out of your life immediately.

Respect yourself. Don't make excuses for him.

If he truly liked you, he would find time to call you, no matter how busy he was. You would be the bright spot in his crappy day.

Alone again.

There is nothing worse than spending a Saturday night getting burned by some loser you somehow found yourself dating.

It is tough to, once again, have to tell yourself that you are great. It is his loss.

Then you think back to all the heartache you've experienced over the years and you ask yourself: "How much more of this can I really take?"

A friendly affair

Can men and women just be friends?

I suppose they can, but that doesn't mean the thought of sex with their friend has never crossed their mind.

Be honest! Have you ever thought about sex with a friend of the opposite sex and then went "nah!"

Just because you haven't, doesn't mean they haven't.

Your friend will never admit that they have either.

Sitting, Waiting

If you are single, female and want a challenge, try to live a full and eventful life without thinking about dating.

Liz Tuccillo, former "Sex and the City" writer and co-author of "He's Just Not That Into You," suggests that we do this.

What Tucillo is implying, but not saying is, if we focus on perfecting ourselves and push dating out of our mind, we will one day be unexpectedly blindsided by our true loves.

"We don't need to scheme and plot, or beg anyone to ask us out," writes Tucillo.

Drinking

Apparently, a lot of people like to consume alcohol during the early stages of a relationship.

Alcohol takes the edge off and helps get the ball rolling, so to speak.

I guess dating is so uncomfortable in the beginning we can't do it sober.

What would happen if we didn't date and drink? Maybe a lot of relationships wouldn't happen.

Perhaps it is sad, but true?

Hanging Out

What girls really dislike are the beginning of relationships where guys just hang out with them on unofficial dates. The guy could questionably be interested in her. And their hanging out time could be seen as a date.

The girls want to seem casual so they don't ask where the relationship is going and the guys don't want to take responsibility for any feelings being developed.

And, if the relationship does not get off the ground, the girl wonders if the guy just decided that he didn't like her? Or was he too chicken to ask her out? Did he eventually give up? Did she not help him along enough? Should she have asked him out herself?

Hanging out time is confusing and frustrating for girls.

Great Expectations

I think, if many of us girls lived our dating lives by books like "The Rules" or "He's Just Not That Into You," most of us would never have had boyfriends ever.

Okay, maybe the guys we date aren't that into us. But maybe they are just clueless about proper dating etiquette. Men aren't reading these rulebooks.

Romance

"When men attempt bold gestures, generally it's considered romantic. When women do it, it's often considered desperate or psycho." - Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Just do it

It has been said that asking someone out is like tearing off a bandage.

The quicker you do it, the better.

Just blurt it all out.

But unlike a bandage, which stings immediately, the pain of asking someone out will come much later.

Bad Advice

I just heard an unusual conversation between two women in their late 20s.

One of them had never kissed a guy before and she wanted her first time to be with someone special. She also didn't want to be subconscious about her first kiss.

The other woman told her to ask one of her guy friends if he would practice with her, just so she could get over her fears.

The non-experienced woman thought this was a good idea and started thinking of guy friends to ask.

I wanted to yell: "No. That's a bad idea. What the hell are you thinking? You'll ruin your friendship by just asking."

Thinking

There is a certain point when you realize that you don't have anything in common with the guy you like.

In fact, you realize he's not that smart and kind of a jerk.

And what's sad is that, you know if he asked, you would go out with him anyway.

Giving up!

There is a time when you have to accept defeat and give up hope on your crush ever asking you out.

He's either too shy or he just doesn't like you, even if he's accepted invitations to go to movies with you.

It's depressing, but you have to accept the fact that it is not going to happen.