The Dating Life

Hey, hey, goodbye!

2008-01-13T20:34:00.000-08:00

There is something sad about going on a few dates with a guy and realizing he isn't for you.

It means it's back to "being out there."

You sigh as you think: "How many more losers do I have to date until I find the one?"

The one, whatever that means? Does anyone ever really find the one? Only answer this question if you've been with your partner for over 40 years. It seems that marriages grow tired over the years.

Revenge

2008-01-12T20:42:00.000-08:00

Remember, when talking to the ex, even when you are miserable, you have to make it look like your life is going well.

Like a good public relations person, put a positive spin on your life's circumstances. Everything is going great.

Smile, appear happy and rub what you can into their faces. Appear unphased when they tell you they are getting married next week.

The goal: Make them feel jealous. Make them feel like it's their loss.

Even if you don't ever want to date them again, even if you hate them for everything they did to you, you have to be the bigger, better person in an effort to add to your ex's pain.

Sit and Wait

2008-01-11T14:42:00.000-08:00

It is written that if you ask a guy out, you eliminate the chase. The chase is what is fun for the guy.

Apparently, if they like you, they will step it up and ask you out.

If you ask a guy out yourself, it takes all the fun out of it for the guy. Maybe it's true. But now you are sitting and waiting for this guy to ask you out and it's just not happening. You hang out together all the time. He calls you occasionally. But maybe he is just not that into you.

Stupid.

2008-01-10T19:24:00.000-08:00

Why is it when you run into a cute guy, you're always doing something stupid, like buying a donut? (Girls aren't supposed to be seen eating sugary, fattening foods after all).

Timing

2008-01-09T13:11:00.000-08:00

Timing is everything.

If you want to get married, you have to find a guy who wants to get married. You know, a guy who already has the house and career he wants. Find a guy who is happy where he is in life.

If you find a guy whose upgrading his education or thinking about moving to a new city then run, even if you seem to be perfect for each other. This guy is too busy thinking about himself and isn't ready to make decisions as a couple. Unless you're willing to make some sacrifices for him and he's willing to let you, it will never work out.

Rubbing it in.

2008-01-08T12:50:00.000-08:00

You might not know a Mandy. At least not until you learn your ex's new girlfriend is named Mandy. Then suddenly you'll meet a new Mandy every second day.

The fates like to rub it in.

V-Day

2008-01-07T19:22:00.000-08:00

For those of you who felt lonley on Valentine's Day, just remember the "holiday" was created as a commercial ploy to sell cards.

You're not getting any money from those card sales, so who cares about Valentine's Day.

Besides, trees had to die for those cards to be made. So if you didn't give or receive a card this Valentine's Day, good for you. The environment and anti-capitalists thank you.

Have your cake.

2008-01-06T20:51:00.000-08:00

Some men are like chocolate cake. You know you shouldn't, but you also know it will taste so good if you do.

You'll take only one bite, or so you tell yourself. But before you know it, you've eaten not just one piece, but the whole cake.

Phobia

2008-01-05T22:09:00.000-08:00

There comes a time when you've had your heart stepped on so many times that you don't want to go back out there.

The thought of a new boyfriend scares you. What hurt will you face this time if you enter a new relationship?

Settling in.

2008-01-04T21:48:00.000-08:00

You know you're just settling when you decide to be with someone who has an issue you have to work to ignore.

Dependents

2008-01-03T19:45:00.000-08:00

Some men are simply looking for their mother in a relationship. And there are women out there who are happy to oblige.

Not only do these women make the meals and do the chores, they say "dear, you can't have any chocolate ice cream. It will spoil your dinner."

And "dear, make sure you're home by eight."

These women have rules and they are not afraid to lay down the law.

They also manage the purse strings.

There is no such thing as an equal partnership in these relationships.

It's like single parenthood, except the child is the woman's lover.

The Nameless

2008-01-02T07:10:00.000-08:00

Ex-boyfriends become the names that cannot be named.

If you want to tell an anecdote that involves them, you have to say a “friend of mine.”

Because if you use their name, the person you are talking to, like your parents, for instance, will say “whatever happened to him. I liked that guy.”

And then you have to explain a whole bunch of stuff you don’t want to explain.

Trust, Passion and Love

2008-01-01T06:52:00.000-08:00

On Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Buffy and Spike find they are pulled together by love. They don’t want to love each other at first, but they can’t contain their feelings and are drawn to each other. Buffy, of course, fights her feelings every step of the way. She resists her own feelings of love in this little bit of dialogue:

BUFFY: I'm not saying I don't have feelings for you. I do. But it's not love. I could never trust you enough for it to become that.

SPIKE: Trust is for old marrieds, Buffy. Great love is wild and passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes.

BUFFY: Until there's nothing left. That kind of love doesn't last.

And in fiction that kind of love ends tragically. Perhaps it is also true in life.

Knees

2007-05-11T19:44:00.000-07:00

Occasionally you meet a guy who makes your knees weak. He distracts you with his presence. And you always have to watch him out of the corner of your eye.

He, of course, seems to take no interest in you at all.

I hate that.

Thinking it out.

2007-05-10T07:56:00.000-07:00

It’s always good to step back from your crushes for a brief moment.

Sometimes it turns out you don’t really like the person. It is just there have been so few options in your life lately that you’re practically ready to jump on any new eligible male who comes into your life, even if he is dull and boring or a total jerk. You can blind yourself to his flaws just so you can keep an open option for yourself, which is the only option you might have at the moment.

Grey Matter

2007-05-09T14:19:00.000-07:00

Dating would be easier if you could keep things black and white. He forgets to call. It’s over. He says something inappropriate. It’s over.

If he doesn’t have a university education, you don’t go out with him. If he lives with his parents, you don’t go out with him.

If it were that easy, there would be no emotional messes.

But then again, you probably would never go out with anyone. And if you did, your relationship wouldn’t last a month.

There needs to be room for exceptions and forgiveness—the shades of grey.

But it’s the shades of grey that bring the heartache.

A little crush...

2007-05-08T20:59:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those crushes you shouldn't have?

Like the person is a total geek, but for some odd reason you are strangely attracted to them?

Or the person is a total jerk . . .

Sometimes our hormones go against our nature.

Tough love.

2007-05-07T12:46:00.000-07:00

Can we ever begin to really understand love?

The ancient Greeks had four different words that meant love.

"Eros" was one of those words. It refers to erotic, sexual love.

"Storge" refers to family love, like the love between a parent and child, or perhaps between a husband or wife.

"Philia" is the third word for love. It speaks of a brotherly affection that one might have while in a deep friendship or partnership.

"Agape" is a love that loves without changing. It is a self-giving love that gives without expecting repayment. It is a love so great that it can be given to the undesirable. It is love that loves even when rejected. Agape love gives because it wants to.

So perhaps, when it comes to our so called soul mate, we will love them in all four of these ways. And if we don't, then maybe they are not our soul mate.

Bad Timing

2007-05-06T14:40:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a crush on a guy? You hung out with him many times. You did everything you could to show him that you were into him.

It was like you were dating him, except he didn't know it.

And then you gave up and moved on. Disgruntled towards him, you decided you dislike him. You now despise his habits you thought were so cute. He gets on your nerves. You break up with him in your head.

Then, finally, he decides to like you. But you've decided you don't like him at all. You wouldn't date him now. His very presence makes you ill.

A case of the blahs.

2007-05-05T21:11:00.000-07:00

Is there a certain point that you just give up on finding love?

Does it ever feel like in a sea of men there are none that are really that interesting? There is no one out there you can form a real connection with.

Perhaps finding love is like finding a needle in a haystack - a task that some would consider near impossible.

So do you give up? Some would say never.

Marry me.

2007-05-04T22:06:00.000-07:00

Once women get into their late 20s the pressure to marry begins to increase.

A girl's grandparents, if still alive, will complain that they'll never have great grandchildren. They ask the priest to say a special prayer during mass for their single granddaughter.

A single girl will start hearing crazy cat lady jokes from her friends . . .

Even today, when a woman is capable of supporting herself, there is still a lot of pressure for a girl to get married. And if she can do it before she is 30, the pressure's off.

If she makes it to 50 with no ring, all bets are likely off.

Proper Etiquette

2007-05-03T12:18:00.000-07:00

If you're talking to a male co-worker who is blatantly staring at your chest and it's making you uncomfortable, how do you respond?

Do you say something?

Or do you cross your arms over your chest to not-so-discreetly say quit looking?

It's not a crime to look, or even blatantly stare. . . But girls do sometimes notice guys looking, and it can make us cringe, just a little, because it can be horribly inappropriate, such as in a work situation.

A raw deal.

2007-05-02T08:27:00.000-07:00

"Men get laid, but women get screwed." - Quentin Crisp

Celebrity Crushes

2007-05-01T18:32:00.000-07:00

When we have no real prospects of our own, we turn to celebrity crushes to fill in the void.

Most of us, as Average Joes, would never stand a chance in hell with any celebrity, even if we stalked them to the end of the earth.

But still fantasies about celebrities help fill in the void when life gets desperate.

Coatman says...

2007-04-30T18:05:00.000-07:00

"Dating always has been similar to applying for a job: asking somebody out is the application, the first few dates are the interviews, and the early stages thereafter the internship. And, just like being in a job, if one does really, really well, eventually, one can become a partner." -Coatman, author of Celibacy and the Suburbs.

Looking for what exactly?

2007-04-29T15:47:00.000-07:00

Can we really know what our ideal partner looks like before we meet them?

I bet most people are looking for someone who is intelligent, kind, witty, generous and attractive - whatever that means.

Beauty and intelligence are in the eyes of the beholder.

But what other characteristics beyond that are we looking for? Can we really know what we are looking for before we meet him or her?

Haven't you met someone who you really didn't think was that interesting or attractive, but then over time that person won you over?

Life is full of surprises.

We could all be like Charlotte York on Sex and the City. She ended up marrying the character Harry Goldenblatt.

Harry was the total opposite of what Charlotte desired. He was bald and chewed with his mouth open.

Charlotte started dating him because she knew she could let her guard down around Harry, since she would never fall for anybody like him.

Her initial relationship with him was about sex. And even then she was embarrassed about being with him.

Overtime Charlotte fell for him, although she kept denying her feelings for Harry, both to herself and her friends.

Charlotte kept using his hairy back and lack of social skills to justify not wanting to be with him, but deep down, her feelings grew every single time they got together.

Eventually she confessed her feelings for Harry after he told her he couldn't marry anyone who wasn't Jewish. Charlotte converted and the two were married.

The moral of the story is never say never.

Just because you think you know what you want doesn't mean you do.

Life is full of surprises.

Making Up

2007-04-28T15:46:00.000-07:00

"No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln

The same can be said for humans too.

It's all in a day's work.

2007-04-27T12:12:00.000-07:00

How far does your job carry you in the world of dating?

Do doctors have easier times finding dates than funeral directors?

Some people would find a funeral director just plain creepy. It wouldn't matter how nice a person the funeral director was.

There are a few male television reporters who think telling women what they do is a good pick-up line. "That's right baby. I'm on TV."

And many a woman likes a man in uniform, unless she has a criminal record, a problem with authority or political views opposing military operations.

Are we education snobs? Do high school drop outs have a tougher time in the dating world? Do people with more than one university degree have an easier time picking up?

How much of what we do for a living plays into who we date?

Avoiding Johnny Appleseeds

2007-04-26T11:54:00.000-07:00

There are countless men out there who would say flirting with women is like planting seeds.

Like a good farmer, a man doesn't just plant one seed fully expecting that one to survive all the bad weather and poor conditions of the land. Instead the man plants hundreds of seeds in hopes that a few will survive and flourish.

At the end of the growing season, the man will have several plants he can eat. And when those plants are all gone, he can plant some more seeds.

Well, women are not seeds.

I don't like being one of several woman a man is planting his interest in.

If a man is truly worthy of my respect, I should really be the only person he is interested in.

Because in the words of Saturday Night Live's Stuart Smalley: "I'm good enough, smart enough, and - doggone it - people like me!"

And if a guy can't see that, and wants to write me off as one of many generic seeds he is trying to plant, then good riddance.

I demand to stand on a pedestal because I am worth it.

But with such a demand like that I'm going to be single for a long, long while.

Housekeeping

2006-03-12T08:00:00.000-08:00

This blogger will be out of the country until March 19. And the computer will be staying at home.

See you all back on the 20th.

Forgiveness

2006-03-09T20:20:00.000-08:00

"The things that people in love do to each other they remember, and if they stay together it's not because they forget, it's because they forgive." - Indecent Proposal

But the question is what is forgivable and what isn't?

Even if the two of you are deeply in love, one of you could still commit an unforgivable act.

Or can people that deeply in love really hurt each other? When in love, you are more likely concerned about what your loved one is feeling.

Or are you?

Single Notes

2006-03-08T15:20:00.000-08:00

Ian McNeice wrote that being single is a constant battle with optimism.

How true.

When single we always wonder: Will I be single forever? Will the next guy be the one? Or will the next guy be another miserable drama?

The Perfect Date

2006-03-07T17:18:00.000-08:00

Often the best dates are simple, like a walk on the beach.

The best dates occur when you and your date are yourselves and just click. Everything happens naturally.

During a good date nothing is forced. The conversation isn't awkard and the kiss just feels right.

The best way to doom a date is to plan it and plan it and plan it. With all that planning, there is too much pressure. It is expected to be perfect. And what is "perfect" anyway?

Perhaps spontaneous dates are best.

Brutal.

2006-03-06T20:30:00.000-08:00

There should be more mirrors out there. That way when you run into a cute guy, and smile at him, you don't have to feel embarrassed.

Because, an hour later, you realize your hair was a wind blown mess with a piece of straw stuck in it.

Not only did the cute guy see you this way, but so did everyone else in the free world who you encountered in the last hour.

The more you suffer...

2006-03-05T19:55:00.000-08:00

"I wrote her off for the tenth time today . . . But she came over. I lost my nerve. I took her back and made her dessert. Now I know I'm being used . . . I know she's playing with me . . . That happens more than I'd like to admit." - The Offspring

Why do we find ourselves in such situations? Are we just suckers with no self-esteem?

Sometimes we put up with people's crap just so we can be in a relationship. We say it's because we love them, but we don't. Because our right person would never treat us that way.

Yet we can get so "I need to be in a relationship" obsessed that we can find ourselves putting up with anything.

If only...

2006-03-01T21:04:00.000-08:00

Have you ever met that person who is your perfect match? But they're the same sex, the opposite sex but gay, or just too old or too young.

How many times have you said: "If my best friend was a man I would marry her in a heart beat."

Have you ever met that person who is your perfect match? The two of you hung out together, but neither of you could get up the courage to bump it up to the next level. And the relationship fizzled and died in all the sexual frustration.

These are the dating what ifs that haunt us. What if we found the one but we didn't realize?

Or maybe God is tortuing you by making your perfect match a gay male and you female.

A dog eat dog world.

2006-02-28T20:52:00.000-08:00

It's been said that cats possess masculine dating traits and dogs, well, they possess the female.

A dog, like many women in a relationship, can get a little needy. Dogs would rather be out on an evening stroll with you than having to be stuck at home while you are out with the guys.

A cat doesn't care if his owner is out with the girls. He could use the alone time.

A dog, like some women, likes to binge eat and will go for the whole cake if no one is around to see.

A dog, like many women, is overly affectionate. Dogs will greet you at the door and try to cuddle with you at inappropriate times. Dogs just don't give you any space. They always want to follow you around and spend every waking moment with you.

And that list could go on.

Say cheese.

2006-02-27T20:33:00.000-08:00

Online dating is a safe place for people to use cheesy lines without being laughed at by the opposite sex.

Only when online dating would a guy use the name "Sir Hugs A Lot," or use the tag line "Do you have a name? Or can I call you mine?"

Please!

But then again, at least "Sir Hugs A Lot" shows a little more personality than "Nice Guy 916."

Then there are the tag lines like: "Just trying this for fun" or "Are you the one?"

Whatever, Mr. Original. Do you put as much thought into your relationships as you do your profile?

Catty much?

2006-02-26T20:14:00.000-08:00

Do you ever wonder why a lot of single girls have cats?

Well, perhaps it's like practice for having a boyfriend.

Cats, like men, are aloof. They want your affection, but only when they want it. Otherwise they are most happy when alone with their toys.

Cats, like men, will meow (whine) when you don't do what they want.

Cats, like men, will wake you up in the middle of the night when they want to be pet. They don't care if you aren't in the mood.

Cats, like men, will often run away scared when you start sobbing.

And the list could go on.

Rebound

2006-02-25T20:10:00.000-08:00

"The only one who should have to pay for a bad relationship is the person in your next relationship." - Miranda, Sex and the City

And that's why it sucks when you discover that you've been elected someone's rebound girlfriend.

When they find out you're not exactly . . . well, not even close . . . to their ex-girlfriend, it's all downhill from there.

Old Hat

2006-02-24T20:22:00.000-08:00

Men seem to treat their old girlfriends like security blankets.

Literally, when men have nothing better "to do" they come running back to women they just left.

Maybe men have short-term memories. Or maybe men second guess their decisions to leave.

But maybe men are relying on the fact that you once said you loved them, and they want to exploit those old feelings, because they can. When the night is over, they'll be gone and you end up feeling used.

That's why you have to cut off ex-boyfriends forever.

Just remember you will survive, so change your stupid lock and make your ex leave his key.

Animal Attraction

2006-02-23T12:06:00.000-08:00

When you meet a guy at a pet store and he's buying a big bag of dog food and you're buying a big bag of cat food, can the relationship really work out?

Clearly he's a dog person and you a cat person. Cats and dogs don't get along.

When there's a fundamental lifestyle difference or opinion should you still give the person a chance?

Should a non-smoker try to date a smoker? Can someone from the political left date someone from the political right? Should someone who wants to have kids date someone who doesn't?

These are the deal breakers.

Now a person can get rid of their cat or their dog. And a smoker can quit. But that's a long way to go for love, if it is indeed love.

And why give up a loyal pal, such as your cat, who has been with you through more boyfriends and break ups than you care to remember.

You and your pet are a package deal. Or are they?

Guess Work.

2006-02-22T21:13:00.000-08:00

"Computerized dating can save a lot of guesswork - but so can a bikini." -Ed Parrish

Go away. Go away. Go away.

2006-02-21T17:19:00.000-08:00

There are some ex-boyfriends who should just drop off the face of the planet. It would just be better for all those involved.

Like the ex-boyfriend who occasionally sends you little tokens in the mail out of the blue. Is it to show you that they still think about you? Or do they just want to see what sort of emotions they can still evoke?

Seeing their name on an envelope can make your heart stop, even if you haven't thought about them in months.

And then you call them to thank them and they tell you that they got their new girlfriend to mail it.

All they wanted to do is pick off the scabs and rub salt in the wounds. What next are they going to stab you in the heart? Oh wait. They ripped that out long ago.

Sadistic bastards like that are those that should really, really drop off the face of the planet.

Lesbians

2006-02-20T20:30:00.000-08:00

Why do guys always, at some point, have to bring up the idea of a threesome?

That is so uncool.

If the girl is really into you, she doesn't want to share. And if she ends up playing the supporting role, while the other girl stars, you better watch out. Because someone in a threesome always has to play the supporting role, like that's fun.

And guys, if it's not cool for you to do a threesome with another guy and a girl, then why do you think it would be cool for a girl to do it with another girl and a guy?

Haven't you ever seen the movie "Threesome" or "Chasing Amy?" It will just make the relationship awkward.

A threesome is a fantasy. And that's the way it should stay - a fantasy.

Plus, where are you going to get the second girl from? I mean, really. You? You had enough trouble getting the girl you have to sleep with you.

The benefit to being a girl...

2006-02-19T20:17:00.000-08:00

"Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again." - Susan Healy

And the meal is usually free.

Guys, once and a while...

2006-02-18T20:03:00.000-08:00

1. Buy a girl flowers for no reason at all.

2. Tell the girl you like her just the way she is and mean it. (You better mean it, otherwise why are you dating her?)

3. Give her a hug when she has a bad day.

4. Make her supper and bake a cake too.

5. Take her somewhere to do something she has never tried before . . . like rock climbing.

And by the way, you'll notice that this list is about showing that you care.

If you really want to win a girl's heart, that's all you've got to do is show her that you care. And if you can do it creatively and romantically, more power to you.

Sex is secondary. It really is.

Pointless

2006-02-17T19:31:00.000-08:00

Guys who say they aren't looking to be in a relationship right now are difficult to understand.

What's the point of dating someone if there is no possibility of a blooming relationship?

You're not looking for something serious. Well, chances are the girl is looking for something that will grow to be more serious.

Why should a girl waste her time on such a guy?

When a guy says they are not looking for anything serious, that is a girl's cue to run far away and fast. Because that sort of guy is just looking to use her.

Taking a chance

2006-02-16T19:25:00.000-08:00

"Don't forget that the words, 'Would you like to join me for coffee?' can result in one of the greatest romances of all time." - Life's Little instruction Calendar Volume XI

Those words can also lead to one of the greatest disasters of all time too.

But you don't know until you try.

Foolish Games

2006-02-15T19:52:00.000-08:00

Some of us have an ex that has nine lives.

You really loved him or her. They hurt you badly, as in "wrenching pain that brought you to your knees sobbing" badly.

But they have the power to win you back and hurt you again. Then win you back once more so they can hurt you.

But a part of you will always love them. And for that, you are always willing to give them a chance, and then another chance.

Two years go by, and you think they are out of your life completely, until you meet them on the street one day. You thought you were over them, but the very sight of them gives you the butterflies . . . so you give them another chance.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." But fool me three times and then four, and then five times. . . well, it's because I live in faith that one day you'll grow up and stop fooling.

Many of us have an ex like that. The only way to escape him or her is if they get married and move to the other side of the world . . . Because no matter what they do, when they come calling, you can't say no to them.

There is always that part that loves them foolishly and unconditionally. And it is that love that drowns out whatever hate you should be feeling for them when you see them.

What it should look like...

2006-02-14T17:22:00.000-08:00

"Love, like a river, will cut a new path whenever it meets an obstacle." - Crystal Middlemas

Be mine...

2006-02-13T20:52:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day is like Christmas for some people. People in a relationship want the day to be perfect, but usually the day turns out to be anticlimatic.

And people who are alone end up feeling lonlier than normal.

It's just another commercial holiday aimed at selling greeting cards. It's a holiday that can make us feel miserable.

It's like Christmas.

Except unlike Christmas, it's okay to pretend that Valentine's Day doesn't exist. Push the day out of your mind. Make it a day like any other.

Online Dating

2006-02-12T19:01:00.000-08:00

The popularity of online dating is picking up.

Apparently some people are going on five or six dates a week thanks to online dating. Some people even go on three or four dates a night.

These serial daters know what they want in a partner, so they give each of their dates a 20-minute in-person interview. And when that person turns out to not be the one, it is out the door for them.

Can you really screen people that quickly? Doesn't romance take time to grow?

If you go through dates so quickly, won't you be too cynical to know when the right person comes along. Yeah, sure that person might like dogs, and you cats. But still if given a chance . . . it can go somewhere. Can't it?

Since when did dating become like a job interview? Can love really be found that way?

Loneliness

2006-02-11T18:52:00.000-08:00

"My love life was getting so bland. There are only so many ways I can make love with my hand. Sometimes it makes me want to laugh. Sometimes I want to take my toaster in the bath."- Blink 182

Sometimes you wonder if that box of condoms you keep in your underwear drawer is going to expire before you have sex again . . . even if the expiry date is two years away.

Rejection

2006-02-10T21:41:00.000-08:00

A rejection is a blow to our ego, especially when it is by someone we really liked.

Rejection can have us running to our mirrors to examine our warts and all. And if you get rejected enough, you begin to look for the mutant tail possibly growing from your behind.

Rejection can get you wanting to make a cocoon of your blanket, so you never have to leave your bed again.

Is it you? Are you really a horrible person? Or is it them? Do they just not know what they are missing? They just don't get you.

After a long dry spell in your dating life, should you give up and accept your life as a singleton?

"When it comes to life and love, why do we believe our worst reviews?" Carrie Bradshaw asked on Sex and the City.

But, then again, is their love out their for everyone?

We can't give up hope.

Singleton Sports Pages

2006-02-09T05:28:00.000-08:00

Seniors read the obituaries with a great deal of interest, as they are sadly getting to the age when everyone they know is passing away.

Twenty and thirty-somethings read the wedding announcements so they can count the people they know, or once knew, that are getting married.

When you're single in your late 20s and early 30s you can usually count, with one hand, the number of friends you have who are still single.

When you are in your late 30s and early 40s, you may likely be able to count, with both hands, the number of friends you have that are divorced.

Perhaps this is because people get married too quickly. And maybe, subconsciously, they do it for the sake of getting married. They overlook a person's problem qualities because they want them to be Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Weighty Matters.

2006-02-08T05:46:00.000-08:00

"Never give anyone you're dating a diet book." -Life's Little Instruction Calendar Volume XI

Thank you Captain Obvious!!

But really what do you do if the person you are dating starts putting on a little weight, or a lot of weight. If you really like them, it shouldn't matter. Should it?

On true love . . .

2006-02-07T05:13:00.000-08:00

"Some people are settling down. Some people are settling. And some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." -Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

As for the people who won't settle for anything less than butterflies, are they expecting too much?

Maybe they'll never find their butterflies.

The Sequel: A single fear.

2006-02-06T20:26:00.000-08:00

In Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Season 3, Episode 20), Anya, the demon-turned-human, who is still developing her first human feelings, asks Xander to the prom.

Because of Anya's demon past, she has a lot of contempt for men. She was a demon who punished men who were unfaithful to their girlfriends and wives.

Anya: "I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them."

Xander: "Then why are you talking to me?"

Anya: "I don't have a date to the prom . . . All I know is I really want to go to this dance and I want someone to go with me."

Despite the fact that she hates all men, she still couldn't go to the dance alone.

While that is an extreme example, many people feel they need a date . . . enough people to keep escort services busy anyway.

Why do we fear being alone? Why do so many people lack the ability to be alone?

A point on men.

2006-02-05T19:05:00.000-08:00

There is a telling scene about men in Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Season Three, Episode 20) when Anya, a demon turned human, who is just starting to gain human feelings, asks Xander to the prom.

Xander is resistant, so Anya says: "Look I know you find me attractive. I see you looking at my breasts."

Xander says: "Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open." (It doesn't mean that he likes her).

But in the end, Xander goes with Anya because he doesn't have any other potential dates for the prom.

Sometimes I think if a man really wants to get laid, or really wants a date to the prom, or whatever, he will lower the bar and take the last woman standing if he must.

That's why there are prostitutes with three teeth who are able to maintain a steady business.

Online Dating in a Nutshell

2006-02-04T20:46:00.000-08:00

Take any one online dating site and look up one city. There can be 100s of locals listed.

But all those guys can be lumped into a few small categories. Let's look at some of those groups.

1) Recently Divorced with Kids: He's all like: "I've been out of the dating scene for a while. I love my kids. Here's a picture of me with a beer. I'm hip. I'm cool. I'm laid back." He's usually in his early to late 40s and sends "smiles" to all the 20-somethings on the site.

2) Shyness Issues Boy: He would never approach a girl in "real life," but online dating lets him sit back and let the dates come to him.

3) Buff, Bleach-Blond Hair Boy - These boys are processed cheese. The cookie-cutter pretty boys. You've seen one. You've seen them all. They lack in real personality. And since they have an image to maintain, do not apply unless you are a tall, attractive cookie-cutter blond.

4) "I'm just here to see what's out there, but not looking for a relationship" Player - Enough said. Stay away from him, the "he used to date my cousin and he cheated on her" types.

5) "No real concept of what I look like" Guy - Some people say they are muscular, fit or average in their profiles . . . and in reality . . . not so much. I like these people who are honest and tuned into reality.

These are just some of the online dating categories. Aren't stereotypes fun? And yes, the same categories can apply to girls.

Oh sure, there are guys online that fall into the nice guy, keeper categories. But who wants to make fun of them?

A resolution

2006-02-03T12:26:00.000-08:00

In the movie "Bridget Jones's Diary," Bridget swears off forming any romantic attachments to:

"alcoholics, workoholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits" and "perverts."

I think most women regularly have problems with men who are commitment-phobics, megalomaniacs and emotional fuckwits.

An example of an emotional fuckwit.

When a guy tells his girlfriend that it is not his job to support her emotionally the first time she confides in him about a problem regarding her job.

He then doesn't get why she breaks up with him right then and there.

Fuckwit: A person who is not only lacking in clue, but is apparently unable or unwilling to acquire clue even when handed it on a plate in generous portions.

Just Friends

2006-02-02T08:30:00.000-08:00

Why is it when people are breaking up they agree to remain friends?

You can try to be friends, but most people learn very quickly that when they break up with someone this is hard to do, especially when the break up was difficult.

Being friends impedes the healing process. It's best to cut each other out of your lives completely for at least a year or two if you truly want to be friends again later.

Famous Last Words

2006-02-01T08:59:00.000-08:00

You know a relationship is over when your significant other says: "We need to talk."

Those are words nobody wants to hear. And that doesn't just apply to dating.

Friends with Benefits

2006-01-31T07:26:00.000-08:00

Remember that if you're in a casual relationship, kind of like the "friends with benefits" situation, it's probably not as great as it seems. The other person likely has feelings for you and is living in hope that your relationship will get more serious.

First Date Insecurities

2006-01-30T07:24:00.000-08:00

"Do you like my stupid hair? Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear? I'm just scared of what you think. You make me nervous so I really can't eat." - Blink 182

No more excuses.

2006-01-29T14:20:00.000-08:00

When a guy doesn't call you when he is supposed to, cut him out of your life immediately.

Respect yourself. Don't make excuses for him.

If he truly liked you, he would find time to call you, no matter how busy he was. You would be the bright spot in his crappy day.

Alone again.

2006-01-28T21:13:00.000-08:00

There is nothing worse than spending a Saturday night getting burned by some loser you somehow found yourself dating.

It is tough to, once again, have to tell yourself that you are great. It is his loss.

Then you think back to all the heartache you've experienced over the years and you ask yourself: "How much more of this can I really take?"

A friendly affair

2006-01-27T18:48:00.000-08:00

Can men and women just be friends?

I suppose they can, but that doesn't mean the thought of sex with their friend has never crossed their mind.

Be honest! Have you ever thought about sex with a friend of the opposite sex and then went "nah!"

Just because you haven't, doesn't mean they haven't.

Your friend will never admit that they have either.

Sitting, Waiting

2006-01-26T19:13:00.000-08:00

If you are single, female and want a challenge, try to live a full and eventful life without thinking about dating.

Liz Tuccillo, former "Sex and the City" writer and co-author of "He's Just Not That Into You," suggests that we do this.

What Tucillo is implying, but not saying is, if we focus on perfecting ourselves and push dating out of our mind, we will one day be unexpectedly blindsided by our true loves.

"We don't need to scheme and plot, or beg anyone to ask us out," writes Tucillo.

Drinking

2006-01-25T09:18:00.000-08:00

Apparently, a lot of people like to consume alcohol during the early stages of a relationship.

Alcohol takes the edge off and helps get the ball rolling, so to speak.

I guess dating is so uncomfortable in the beginning we can't do it sober.

What would happen if we didn't date and drink? Maybe a lot of relationships wouldn't happen.

Perhaps it is sad, but true?

Hanging Out

2006-01-24T08:59:00.000-08:00

What girls really dislike are the beginning of relationships where guys just hang out with them on unofficial dates. The guy could questionably be interested in her. And their hanging out time could be seen as a date.

The girls want to seem casual so they don't ask where the relationship is going and the guys don't want to take responsibility for any feelings being developed.

And, if the relationship does not get off the ground, the girl wonders if the guy just decided that he didn't like her? Or was he too chicken to ask her out? Did he eventually give up? Did she not help him along enough? Should she have asked him out herself?

Hanging out time is confusing and frustrating for girls.

Great Expectations

2006-01-23T14:24:00.000-08:00

I think, if many of us girls lived our dating lives by books like "The Rules" or "He's Just Not That Into You," most of us would never have had boyfriends ever.

Okay, maybe the guys we date aren't that into us. But maybe they are just clueless about proper dating etiquette. Men aren't reading these rulebooks.

Romance

2006-01-19T14:13:00.000-08:00

"When men attempt bold gestures, generally it's considered romantic. When women do it, it's often considered desperate or psycho." - Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Just do it

2006-01-18T08:58:00.000-08:00

It has been said that asking someone out is like tearing off a bandage.

The quicker you do it, the better.

Just blurt it all out.

But unlike a bandage, which stings immediately, the pain of asking someone out will come much later.

Bad Advice

2006-01-17T10:38:00.000-08:00

I just heard an unusual conversation between two women in their late 20s.

One of them had never kissed a guy before and she wanted her first time to be with someone special. She also didn't want to be subconscious about her first kiss.

The other woman told her to ask one of her guy friends if he would practice with her, just so she could get over her fears.

The non-experienced woman thought this was a good idea and started thinking of guy friends to ask.

I wanted to yell: "No. That's a bad idea. What the hell are you thinking? You'll ruin your friendship by just asking."

Thinking

2006-01-16T10:53:00.000-08:00

There is a certain point when you realize that you don't have anything in common with the guy you like.

In fact, you realize he's not that smart and kind of a jerk.

And what's sad is that, you know if he asked, you would go out with him anyway.

Giving up!

2006-01-15T10:44:00.000-08:00

There is a time when you have to accept defeat and give up hope on your crush ever asking you out.

He's either too shy or he just doesn't like you, even if he's accepted invitations to go to movies with you.

It's depressing, but you have to accept the fact that it is not going to happen.

On Models

2005-12-31T20:55:00.000-08:00

"When did all the men get together and decide that they would only get it up for giraffes with big breasts?"

-Miranda Hobbes, Sex and the City

Strategy

2005-12-30T20:27:00.000-08:00

When guys like you and are thinking about making a move, they can tend to start with a hug to see how you will react. If things go horribly, at least they were able to cop one feel.

Mrs. Jones

2005-12-29T20:37:00.000-08:00

Why was "Bridget Jones's Diary" such a popular movie? Because it is true to life for a lot of women. They are worried about their weight, yet they can't curb their eating. A few extra pounds and looking for love - because there is nothing worse than spending your life alone.

As Bridget Jones says so well:

"I suddenly realized that unless some thing changed soon, I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine and I'd finally die fat and alone and be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs."

Like Bridget, many women picture their wedding to a guy as soon as he expresses an interest.

If men want to understand the unspoken thoughts of many women, watch Bridget Jones's Diary. You might not like it, but it's true. A lot of women are secretly that neurotic, if only in their heads.

Hugs and Kisses

2005-12-28T20:26:00.000-08:00

Why is it the one day you sleep in, skip the shower and deodorant to get to work on time, is the one day the guy you like gives you a big holiday hug?

Drugs

2005-12-27T20:54:00.000-08:00

"Maybe all men are a drug. Sometimes they get you down and sometimes they get you so high!" -Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Unwelcome News!

2005-12-26T20:29:00.000-08:00

When being single, and having to face up to the usual family Christmas conversation that revolves around the spinster-tragedy that is your life, there is no worse news then that from a recently engaged colleague.

She writes: "I am so happy. I hope everyone's holidays are going as well as mine."

Rub it in a little more.

Cynical Much?

2005-12-16T20:18:00.000-08:00

"Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'" -Rita Rudner

You've Got Mail

2005-12-15T20:42:00.000-08:00

The worst invitations to get in the mail when you are single are the ones that say "You and one guest are invited to..."

It always sucks to have to RSVP and say: "It will just be me."

Fatal Attraction

2005-12-14T20:36:00.000-08:00

Apparently, the easiest way to make a woman who is a six look like a 10 is to act jealous when your man checks her out.

Instead, it is best to act like you don't even notice her. Just act like everything is normal and cool. Continue to carry on the conversation and he'll think you're the 10.

True Dat!

2005-12-13T18:13:00.000-08:00

"We were having one of those great first dates you can only have when it's not an actual date." -Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

We've all been there.

Meaning??

2005-12-12T17:52:00.000-08:00

"All is fair in love and war."

Is it? For the most part, people can do whatever they want. Nothing is stopping them. Yeah, sure they might have to deal with the consequences later.

But what is fair to you might not be fair to the other person.

Is it fair to have an affair? Well maybe to you. Maybe you needed a break from the everyday as your wife was struggling with the grief of her dead mother. But was it fair of you to turn your back on her?

You can be persistent when it comes to winning a person's heart. It is only fair that you exercise your freedom of speech regarding how you feel. But it is not fair to the other person, when you don't respect their right to say no.

So do you worry about fairness for yourself or the other person?

Hunting Season

2005-12-11T20:46:00.000-08:00

California radio personality Sherry Argov compares dating to hunting. A man gets satisfaction out of tracking and killing a moose. However, if the moose suddenly appeared dead at his doorstep, the man would not get the same sense of satisfaction. In fact, he would probably be disgusted.

The same is true with women, said Argov. Men like to woo women, but if a woman gives him what he wants too soon or is pursuing him, it's like she is that dead moose on the doorstep.

Hot or Not?

2005-12-10T20:42:00.000-08:00

"Sex appeal is 50 per cent what you've got, and 50 per cent what people think you've got" -Sophia Loren